Category: Quackery!

Seminal Weakness or Spermatorrhea

Posted by – December 4, 2014

Chico Courant – Saturday Nov. 11, 1865



540 Washington st., San Francisco, Cal..

Seminal Weakness or Spermatorrhea – The young man who experiences that growing weakness in his muscular and mental organization should stop to consider whence it arises.  He will find in the weakness of the back, trembling of the limbs, disordered digestion, unaccountable failing of the powers of the mind, distaste for society, dread of impending trouble, forebodings of evil, sleeplessness, troubled and lascivious dreams accompanied by growing deafness, loss of muscular power, and numerous other symptoms of disorganization, the positive traces of that most terrible and destructive of all disease.  Seminal Weakness – wasting away his powers, destroying his hope of life and manhood, and dragging him along the broken path of his existence toward a premature and loathsome grave.  To him who finds his life dribbling out in the discharge of the vital principle of existence in nocturnal and diurnal emissions, the mere cessation of the causes of its appearance brings no assurance of relief.

Those who have become the victims of solitary vices, that dreadful fascinating and destructive habit, which fills thousands of sick rooms with paralytics, and consumptives, and hundreds of untimely graves with its misguided victims, should consult, without a moment’s delay, one who will sympathize with their sufferings.  To such the Doctor would especially address himself, giving to each and all an assurance of a perfect and permanent cure, without hindrance from business, change of diet, or fear of exposure.

Do not forget the address.  See below.

The celebrated female remedies, compounded from the private prescriptions of Dr. Young, have now obtained a most extended popularity, and are correctly viewed to be the safest and surest remedies for the complaints for which they are applied; The constantly accruing testimonials of their efficacy declared them to be re-eminently superior in their action.

No lady should be without these Renovating Agents.

None genuine unless procured at this office.

Sent by Maikon Express, to any part of the State.  The great female medicine – Preventative powders for married ladies.  New, Safe and Infallible, lasting four to six months.  Price $10.  French Lunar, or female monthly pills.  For suppressions.  After fifty years of use these pills stand unrivalled in efficacy.  Price $5 per box.

From the collection of The Comtesse DeSpair

Dr. H. Ehrlich, The Eminent Oculist and Auirst

Posted by – November 17, 2013

Chico Weekly Record, Chico, California – Saturday, December 11, 1897


Catarrh and Deafness Positively Cured!
Yep, all this and the Brooklyn Bridge too!!

From the collection of The Comtesse DeSpair.

“3-Day Malaria Cure”

Posted by – November 17, 2013

Chico Weekly Record, Chico, California – Saturday, December 11, 1897


“The sale of this remedy is simply enormous”… Yeah, I’ll bet it is!!

From the collection of The Comtesse DeSpair.

Nerves (Hood’s Sarsaparilla)

Posted by – November 17, 2013

Chico Weekly Record, Chico, California – Saturday, December 11, 1897


Are your nerves getting on your nerves?
Then, why not let Hood’s Sarsaparilla effect the cure!

From the collection of The Comtesse DeSpair.

A Little Sufferer

Posted by – November 17, 2013

Chico Weekly Record, Chico, California – Saturday, December 25, 1897



Face, Hands and Arms Covered With Scrofulous Humors—How a Cure Was Effected.

“When five years old my little boy had scrofula on his face, hands and arms. It was worst on his chin, although the sores on his cheeks and hands were very bad. It appeared in the form of red pimples which would fester, break open and run and then scab over. After disappearing they would break out again. They caused intense itching and the little sufferer had to be watched continually to keep him from scratching the sores. We became greatly alarmed at his condition. My wife’s mother had had scrofula and the only medicine which had helpd her was Hood’s Sarsaparilla. We decided to give it to our boy and we noted an improvement in his case very soon. After giving him four bottles of Hood’s Sarsaparilla the humor had all been driven out of his blood and it has never since returned.” WILLIAM BARTZ, 416 South Williams St., South Bend, Indiana.

You can buy Hood’s Sarsaparilla of all druggists. Be sure to get only Hood’s.



If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering what in the hell “Scrofula” is? Well, it turns out to be a form of tuberculosis that results in large, rubbery lymph nodes in the neck. People still get it, but it’s now treatable with antibiotics, so it’s no big deal. (Of course, I’m sure antibiotics aren’t nearly as effective as Hood’s Sarsaparilla, but we must make do…) Now, go and impress your friends!From the collection of The Comtesse DeSpair.

Hostetter’s Celebrated Stomach Bitters

Posted by – November 17, 2013

Chico Weekly Record, Chico, California – Saturday, December 11, 1897


Bitter about Rheumatism?
Shoo it away with Hostetter’s!

From the collection of The Comtesse DeSpair.


He Died In Open Court

Posted by – November 17, 2013

1892 Morbid Scrapbook




An Appalling List of Great Personages Who Have Died Without Warning.

The recent sudden death of Senator Plumb and the still more recent one of Judge Knapp, who expired while seated upon the judicial bench, musters from the grave the memory of an army of public men who have died in the business. Note them as they slowly file in review before you.

Senator Zach Chandler was found dead in his bed at the Grand Pacific Hotel.

Secretary Windom died while speaking at a banquet.

Senator Beck dropped insensible in the Potomac Depot on the exact spot where President Garfield was shot.

Secretary Folger worked to the last and died without warning.

Senator Tom Corwin expired at a reception while talking with Salmon P. Chase, Ben Wade, Senator Schenck and John Sherman.

The Hon. Hannibal Hamlin died at the club while chatting with his friends.

Minister Pendleton passed away while seated in a railroad train.

Senator Charles Summer, Massachusett’s pride, died suddenly, working faithfully to the hour of his death.

Senator Simon Cameron feels the mysterious sweepings of paralysis and falls in the arms of his friends.

Salmon P. Chase passed away peacefully while seated at his desk with his pen in his hand.

Vice President Wilson died after emerging from the Senate bath-room.

John Quincy Adams dropped in his chair in the House of Representatives.

And so the list might be prolonged. It would include such brilliant names as Senator Matt Carpenter, Secretary of the Treasury Daniel Manning, ex-President Arthur, the Hon. Thomas H. Benton, Senator Ferry and many others.

These men died suddenly and without warning, but the significant fact in connection with their deaths is that the casuse in each case was the same. It may have been called “heart disease” or “apoplexy,” but what is heart disease or apoplexy? Simply a result, not a cause. Overwork and over-indulgence weaken certain great organs. From the weakness of these organs the blood becomes poisoned, clots the heart and clogs the brain. Do you ask what these organs are? The kidneys and liver. None of these great men would have died as they did had their kidneys and liver been in order. Physicians realize this truth, and the more intelligent men and women are beginning to find it out. Not only this, but they have found out the way of preventing this gradual undermining of the life and the coming on of sudden death. Read what they say!

Dr. Hoesch, of Berlin, Germany, asserts: “I have been the victim of palpitation of the heart, and upon taking the least cold the symptoms would become alarming. This has entirely disappeared under the use of Warner’s Safe Cure, and I am perfectly well and strong.”

Dr. R. A. Gunn, dean of the United States Medical College, New York, declares: “I am independent enough and frank enough to commend most heartily that great remedy, Warner’s Safe Cure.”

The Rev. J. E. Rankin, D. D., of Washington, D.C., affirms: “I know physicians of the highest character and standing who prescribe and use Warner’s Safe Cure for diseases of the kidneys and urinary organs. I desire in the interests of humanity to recommend this medicine.”

Great men may pass away suddenly and leave a warning to others who are overworked or overindulging. The slender thread of life may be strained, but it need not be snapped if care and the right preventive remedy are used. Modern life has its strains, but it also has its discoveries which preserve the health and lengthen the life. And foremost among the discoveries for the benefit of humanity is the great one of which these scientific men speak.


From the Collection of the Comtesse DeSpair
The 1892 Morbid Scrapbook

Groves Tasteless Chill Tonic

Posted by – November 17, 2013

Chico Weekly Record, Chico, California – Saturday, December 11, 1897


Back in the days of high child mortality rates, it was considered an indication of health to have a chubby child.
Good thing Groves Tasteless Chill Tonic was around to do the job!

From the collection of The Comtesse DeSpair.

General Grant’s Case

Posted by – November 17, 2013

Steele Scrapbook – 1885




The New York Herald says: “If General Grant should recover from a disease which should prove not to have been what it has been described, then his medical attendants * * * will be expected to explain the reasons for one of the most remarkable instances of discrepancy ever recounted in the history of medical practice.”

The other day an eminent young physician in the last stages of consumption, unable to longer talk, called for pen and paper and indistinctly wrote this advice to his physicians: “Make dying comfortable.”

This seems to have been the sole purpose of General Grant’s attending physicians. They were making dying comfortable, but they were not curing their patients. He amazes them by getting better!

The utter failure rightly to diagnose and properly to treat General Grant’s disorder was a serious blunder, emphasizing what has so often been said, that professional treatment, being purely experimental, is just as likely to be wrong as right.

Had the general an ulcer on his arm the physicians would have treated it scientifically, very scientifically. He might have recovered or they might have cut his arm off. Some dear old soul of a grandmother, however, might have treated the sore by some “old woman’s remedy” and healed it, but there would have been no “professional license” in such a proceeding, as her remedy would not be one recognized by the code!

The general’s physicians excuse themselves, we are told, because the condition of the throat was hidden from sight. There are thousands of cases where disease is hidden from sight, where the symptoms are very obscure and conflicting. The physicians will treat everyday’s symptoms but they do not cure, and finally the patient dies. Then they discover they have made a mistake! A horrible mistake! The other day a prominent merchant in a neighboring city was found dead in bed. A post mortem examination revealed the fact that one of his other vital organs was entirely decayed, and yet his physicians had been treating him for heart disease!

Some one had blundered.

For weeks the American public have been waiting the unwelcome tidings of General Grant’s death. To-day the General is up and around and riding out.

People get well often in spite of what their doctors say and do. Why? By will power? No. By faith? No.

They live because outside the medical profession and medical pretense there are effective remedial agencies in nature which, though “unrecognized” by the code, have supreme power over disease, and in thousands of cases win triumphs where the so-called scientific treatment utterly fails.

A prominent ex-Cabinet officer is to-day on the very edge of the grave, suffering from an extreme disorder of the liver. His doctors know they cannot cure him. They simply are making dying comfortable.

The agony of death in many cases is read by surrounding friends in screams of pain, in convulsions of nerve, in spasms of torture-the fixed eye, the chilly breath, the dreadful coughing, the bloody sweat–the supreme inflictions of pitiless disease upon a helpless body,–indicate the limitations of professional skill.”

Seven-tenths of the deaths of this country every year are from hepatic and renal disorders, over which physicians have so little power. They will give this, that and the other thing to make dying comfortable, but they know they cannot cure and yet they will not permit the use of remedies “unauthorized” by their code, whether they are allopathic or homeopathic. If the system, as is common at this time of the year, has no tone, and one has tired and depressed feelings, the doctor will tellyou that the blood needs purifying, but he will not tell you what he knows to be true, that the blood is impure because the liver and kidneys are not performing their blood purifying functions.

The failure of the physicians in General Grant’s case ought to have an eye-opening effect upon the public. It ought to see the fatality of trusting entirely in a profession whose practice is so largely experimental. The test of merit is success and when any agency has won a record proved by the testimony of prominent men and women in all ranks of society, it stands to reason thta such a preparation is worthy of universal confidence. Who has not heard of it? Who has not used it? Who can gainsay the statement that it has wrought greater benefit for mankind than anything ever discovered inside the ranks of the medical profession.” And yet many physicians who are bound hand and foot to their code will not allow nor will they prescribe the use of Warner’s safe cure. Nevertheless, spite of their small-minded bigotry, it multiplies instances of its singular merit by thousands every day, rests satisfied with the record it has won, and challenges comparison with the record of the most reputable physician.

It is a terrible thing to lose our friends, especially if we find out afterwards that they might have been saved.

We are glad General Grant is getting well. He deserves to live and in living he will emphasize the fact that physicians do not have a monopoly over disease; that “scientific medicine,” so called, is not infallible; that all remedial agencies were not born with doctors and will not die with them.


I just love the way this article has you almost believing that it’s a real editorial condemning poor medical care…
And then you realize it’s just a big advertisement for Warner’s Safe Cure!

Grabbed like candy from a baby from Alf

Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets

Posted by – November 17, 2013

Chico Weekly Record, Chico, California – Saturday, December 11, 1897

“Almost every man in America has some digestive trouble”
Good thing there’s Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets to cure that windy belching!

From the collection of The Comtesse DeSpair.